Isolation (M/F, hard)

[MidnightRose]

(This is actually more of a creepypasta than a story. Sorry if it seems unclear during some parts. It may sound rushed because I finished it all in one sitting.)



I can’t remember how long I’ve been like this.

Why did Mom and Dad leave me all alone? I didn’t do anything. At least, I don’t think so.

No, I’m sure of it. If I was a bad person, my parents would have punished me. Instead they put me here.

But wait, I was bad once. Back during elementary school…there was this girl I really liked. I went to talk to her one day, and then all I recall was red and screaming. How had I forgotten? That time…

The doctors say I have a mental disorder, that my actions aren’t normal. I don’t understand it. Why can’t I just leave? No one’s watching me.

My hands instinctively grab the cold steel bars. I bend them easily, as if they were made of rubber. I creep out the poor excuse for a window and soon feel nothing below me. My back hits the pavement with a ‘smack’, and it feels as if several of my bones have been dislocated. My hand twitches. The next second, all the pain slips away, as if I had imagined it. I pay no mind to it and stand, turning my face to the sky; night.

My feet start moving of their own accord - I’m running, racing down some abandoned street. A great energy surges through me, one I haven’t experienced in years. It’s fantastic.

There’s a streak of yellow, and I skid to a halt. Golden locks frame her heart-shaped face, sapphire eyes peering at me in surprise. She says something, but I can’t make out what it is.

It’s just then that I realize the aching in my stomach. Staring at her, I hear something within me rumble, like distant thunder. She touches my face; soft, cool skin. There is a sudden desire to have her, to love her. I lean in to kiss her…

~~~~~~~

I must’ve blacked out. I’m laying next to the mutilated corpse of that woman, her flesh stripped from every bone - dried scarlet against ivory. Even her lovely blue eyes are missing; oh, that must be one, rolling about on my tongue. Soft, wet, squishy. I swallow.

Ah yes, everything is coming back now. She, along with my first crush, had nourished the demon living inside me. I’ve known him ever since birth, and I must feed him every few years if I want to live. To come out, he requires energy, which would explain my short-term amnesia.

That was the pact we made.

My tongue passes out and smears her warm blood across my lips. The cops will find out in the morning, but I don’t care.

After all, I will become used to this.

[Hagglesmite]

Very interesting story there. The only real critique I can give with this is that I think it should be a bit longer, as just as you get into it it stops.

Overall I really like your simple imagery and statements, which really drives home how second-natured this action of arguable atrocity (by normal society's standards) is to this character and his inner demon. Even so, I do think that a bit more imagery and elaboration could have filled this story out a bit and made it richer.

As a writing/animation major myself, I can definitely say that I enjoyed reading this not only cause it's vore, but because the overall quality was enjoyable Well done!

[prisoner]

I think this snippet stands on its own just fine as is. It's efficient. Normally, I wouldn't go for the first-person perspective. In this case, it seemed very practical.

My only objection is that last sentence. You said that his inner demon needs to feed every few years and, in my opinion, his feelings toward his own action are unclear. Will this become part of his routine because of the demon's lust or because of his own?

[MidnightRose]

Yeah sorry, it sounds kinda awkward toward the end, and I could've fleshed it out a bit more if I wanted to (no pun intended, lol).
The demon's lust controls him; he only knows that he must obey it, thus not understanding some things. Hope that clears it up a bit.

[prisoner]

That does make it clear to a certain extent. It is easy to overlook something like that in a rush job.

In first person POV, even if the character doesn't understand what's going on, there should be enough info. there for the reader to figure out what is happening and why. An exception would be suspense, which you probably shouldn't have at the end of a short story anyway. ; )

[MidnightRose]

My apologies. It's my second time attempting to write creepypasta.